Quite frankly, I don't think there is anything wrong with me. I am not clingy or needy and I have never gotten angry at you, frustrated and upset maybe, but never have I called you out for everything you did... all the empty promises you gave... nor have I given you a hard time. All I wanted was a clear relationship even if it means just friendship. I am angry at myself for letting you do this to me for so long, putting me through so much confusion, frustration, and unhappiness. Honestly, you have the ability to make me really happy but I hate it whenever you tell me you just want to be friends and then act like you want to be more than friends when I try to re-adjust. I am also pissed at myself for letting you do this to me so many times.
I always get caught in the moment of euphoria and it's only when I take a step backwards to think rationally that I realise
You can't tell me that you can't commit to me and then hug me to tell me that you miss me while trying to kiss me. WHO DOES THIS SHIT. AM I WRONG TO THINK THAT FRIENDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CUDDLING AND KISSING? It seems that you are the one who has the wrong impression of friendship.
Sigh. Fuck this shit. I thought I was tired, I gave up, you came back, you made me happy, and then the cycle started again. I can't take it anymore...What did I ever do to deserve this. I hate how you make me so happy and so miserable at the same time. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh
Wooosh! Quite a few things have changed ever since I last blogged. I have left Hong Kong, gotten a job offer, and am single AND ready to mingle (well, always been single but you know.. complications).
Firstly, I am so happy to be home!!!!! :) I am a bit bored tho because everyone's busy with work and school! I guess I'm anticipating the start of my first real job so I can get all tied up with work and have no time for anything else. Hmm, did I just jinx myself? I had a choice of starting on the 15th of June or the 2nd of July but I chose the latter even tho all the fibers in my body told me to start in mid June. Maybe it's a better idea for me to enjoy a little bit more before I commit the rest of my life to work?
Secondly, regarding boys, I guess there's something wrong with how I deal with them that I always end up with the same. lame. situation. So tired of everything... maybe I should stop limiting myself to just one boy for a while. Geez. Or like HIMYM goes, it's time for a few cycles of palate cleansers.
Is it hard to believe that I do not like alcohol, cigarettes, and weed? I only drink socially because no one likes a sober party pooper and it's boring when you are the only sober one when everyone else is drunk. But I don't crave alcohol and I won't order alcohol to go with my meal. Last Friday, we had a discussion on why weed should be legalized. Personally, I won't go out of my way to do weed but if I have friends who will offer me a puff, I might take it. I don't do shisha though.. Just don't like to inhale stuff in general. I am quite a boring person ay. I don't even know what I want to eat sometimes (soooooo picky!)
These days, I have been trying to find inspiration to motivate myself to strive for my goals. I really hope that I can look at things in a worldly view and get my priorities straight. In recent years, I have slowly lost myself in this fast-paced and materialistic city; I have slowly allowed myself to be molded into a cookie cutter average Jane. However, it is not too late to reverse this!!! It's also time to do some soul-searching to find out what I really want to do with my life. I want to travel the world, gain as much knowledge as I can, change lives, and experience different cultures! The love life can wait.